An Essence

I've been asking "who am I" a lot lately and through God's Word, I've gotten a good start in understanding my identity through Christ, that He's called me, and what I look like to Him.  One day while in His warm embrace, I 'turned' to take a good look at this Father who loves me so very much - and I realized I didn't have a clear picture of Him.  Wow!  

I didn't want to miss this!  I want to know the qualities of this Sovereign God.  I want to get as close as I can to Him, and to do that I needed to be able to recognize Him.  

I started by closing my eyes and trying to draw up a visual.  This did not work well... God is not an image.  I then turned to the Bible for an understanding.  Here I learned that God is peace, God is Love, God is everywhere.  The idea was overwhelming.  The more I learned the more I tried to comprehend just how vast He is, but my mind could not hold the idea.

Later, feeling that I had somehow "lost" my "connection" with God, I started crying... a lot. I wanted so badly to be close to this Love, this Power, this Almighty.  Where did He go?  What did I do that I felt so lost all of a sudden...? It was in this distress that I saw (rather God showed me) that I was trying to put God in an earthly container of human definition.  

The description of Who God IS is not limited to words, cannot be captured in a single picture, does not fit any mold, nor is He located in any one place.  There is a piece of Him in each and every one of us.  The way I see it is if we united - the world in it's entirety - putting all the gifts God gave each of us on display, shining together as One Light, then we might come closer to 'seeing God'.  

Because there is one loaf, our many-ness becomes one-ness-Christ doesn't become fragmented in us. Rather, we become unified in him. We don't reduce Christ to what we are; he raises us to what he is. (1 Corinthians 10:17 MSG)

Essence: the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features;  the inward nature, true substance, or constitution of anything
Nature: the universe, with all its phenomena... attributes, features
Constitution: architecture, design, disposition
(definitions and synonyms by Dictionary.com)
  
God is IN us.  We were made in His image.  God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God's nature. He created them male and female. (Genesis 1:27 MSG)  We each hold a component unique to God's Essence.  But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift. (Ephesians 4:7)  It is His desire for each of us to embrace these components, allowing Him to grow us, flourish us, bring us into full bloom... and then coming together through Love we shine as God's Light. 

So how do I see God?  By looking at you.  

If we all carry a feature that is of God, then I can't define you by the 'earthly reality' in which you exist.  I look inside to see God in you.  It's there that I am able to connect with you, love you, and be in relationship with you. (what if there is no God in me...?) We are all creatures of God. Any goodness that comes from you, comes from God.  

This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. (1 John 4:9 MSG)  It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, (Ephesians 1:11 MSG)

It's my job to step into the love and protection of God as He grows me, and in doing so I'm able to see past the chaos and into the God in you, sharing the Message... and it's here - in this Love - that I see God.  Residing in God, in Christ, I chose to get dressed in Him every day.

You can't capture an Essence, you wear an Essence.

My Father's Daughter

I don't know about you, but I've often been confused about what defines me as a person... what is my reason... the deepest of deep meanings that lies in the question 'Who Am I?'  The more I've struggled with this, the more it seems that I've allowed to myself to be swallowed up by the views and opinions of the world and my environment.

When I first arrived, I learned to identify myself by my name.  Then as a daughter and sister, wife, mom, friend... I started to further define myself by my career choice(s), my hobbies, how much money I did (or didn't) have.  I even went so far as to include in my description the circumstances, events, and deeds of my life.

I became chained, victim to myself, suffocated by my own inaccurate impression and (deep sigh) the obstructed eyesight of others. I became hollow... I didn't exist in an empty place - the emptiness existed in me.  But we run deeper than we think we do... and there in the remoteness of my soul my spirit was crying out, hoping for a rescue, searching for a Voice to say "I know you".

Praise the Lord! God is a Faithful God... He hears our spirit's cry every time and He answers back every time and He says that we are not bound to live according to this world, but by His Spirit.  He commands freedom as we are His children. (Romans 8:12-17) 

I felt this understanding start to take hold of my heart, but the pull of my current reality was strong.  I tried to grasp the concept with my mind, but my mind had been broken.  I realized I couldn't acquire this intimate enlightenment by my own might, my own will.  I had to turn to God to show me what this looks like...

Society, people of influence, even those close to me say (and insist) how dare I lift myself up.  How dare I think highly of myself.  Me and where I've been... all the things I've done!... and what's been done to me... They say I must prove myself worthy and even in that effort... I'll never come close to perfect. 

In the midst of believing this to be true, God says to me "I loved you even when you were a sinner.  I knew you before you were born.  My Spirit is in you.  The world is waiting for you My precious daughter.. you shine so bright in My Eyes.  I want you to shine to the whole world... All My Kingdom is yours... girl - GET UP! I called you!  I elected you!  I justified you though My Son Jesus Christ!  I will glorify you in Me!  Lift your head high... stand tall, you are My child!  Your love for Me is all that matters, forget about perfect.  

I know your life better than even you... I've been with you through it all and I will get My Glorious Victory!  Now start singing to Me with your spirit... Mine and yours together, I'm making you whole." this is what my Father says.

Therefore, I refuse to be bound by these chains that held captive my soul.  I have been pre-destined to be conformed to the Image of Jesus Christ.  I identify myself with a divine distinctiveness and I insist on freedom of my spirit to communicate with my Father, to exist in the Kingdom that is mine by royal inheritance for His Word says NOTHING can keep me from my Dad! (Romans 8:38-39)

How Can I Help?

Thank You for meeting my needs, Lord Jesus my Almighty God!  I say them to you simply as you know them more than I do and you already have in place the perfect plan to not only meet every single one of my needs, but to also prosper me in ways I can not yet imagine. Jeremiah 29:10-12  How can I help?

Thank You for keeping my children to You, My Comfort, My Protector!  I am not there to shield them from the abuses of this world.  They are confronted by influence masked as 'morality', they are encouraged by fear disguised as 'challenge'.  I know You have Your angels all around these precious souls and their spirits are guarded by Your Unending Love. Psalm 91 How can I help?

Thank You in advance for bringing my family and my friends through, Lord Jesus, the One, the Most High!  Consumed by time and the perceived pressures of this world, continue to keep their hearts and give them Hope.  I know that You are with each and every one of us here in community - as we are an extension of You... the Hands, Feet, and Body of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:11-13(HCSB)  I know You make yourself tangible to us, You 'reason' with us, You provide us with support and never leave us lonely through this Honorable Community.  How can I help?

For the world... Oh Precious Lord!  I pray Love!  A massive endless Encounter with You that transforms our heart desires as we ALL are creatures of God!  I pray for an eruption of Love that cannot be contained!  I know this is Your plan, Lord...John 3:16-18 (HCSB) How can I help?


My dream... Sweet Jesus!... the deepest aching of my heart... to pursue Your vision and exist in time in Heaven here on earth Matthew 6:9-11 - just as You promised.  I seek endlessly Your Will, to discover truths about myself that need to be brought to light, to know Your Plan and see Your vision... to understand Lord God, how can I help?  I will not sit on the sidelines and hope that someone else is brave enough to enter in to Your Presence and receive this call to action.  How can I help?  

I will not wait for a 'sign' or a miracle because thinking that I must see one first is a lie.  Experiencing Your Love IS a miracle.  Being able to reflect that Love to any other person IS a miracle!  Because I am not able on my own.  Me and my SELF are not equipped - do not have the capacity - to hold Love let alone generate it and give it.  It is not in my nature. But in YOU, Jesus, by YOU, I receive.  Through YOU Love comes through me and SHINES on this world... and every person in it!  THAT is a miracle!  


So I hear Your call... You've called me by name.  I am significant in this earth-wide transformation and my only question is how can I help?  Keep teaching me!  Keep growing me!  Make me silenter still as I listen to Your Voice as You lead me to divine understanding of how I can help.  Thank You, God!,  for answering my heart's cry!

Living Faith

I walked into an assisted living community the other day for an interview and was struck with the re-memory that I had a great-grandmother and that I knew her very well when I was a child.  She was a very humble and confident woman...faithful.  

I came home and searched until I found this zipped up heavy plastic bag.  Inside, wrapped delicately in two separate pillow cases was her Bible.  Falling apart as it was, I started to gently thumb through it, finding her favorite marked passages, pictures, and notes she had made to herself.  Then I came across a clipping taped to the inside front cover and it's as relevant today as it was then:

(from the Chicago Tribune on Monday July 20, 1964)
Living Faith - by Harold Blake Walker
THERE is a sentence I found somewhere suggesting the conviction that carried disciples of Jesus and the early Christians thru "peril, toil, and pain."  It speaks of "this anyplace where God let's down His Ladder."  God is never far from "this anyplace" where people are hurt or troubled or afraid.

Forty-five years ago {from the original date this was published} when the armies of the world were locked in struggle, William Henry Boddy posed a question that has haunted us all, "Where is God today when the armies clash in battle?" {this question still haunts us today... and so must his answer}.  His answer is eloquent with meaning for us all:

God is where mercy binds a wound; God is where sympathy stoops to share the awful burden; God is where grief sheds a tear and a little song of hope and love is at the heart of the battle's hell.  God is where tired, brave bewildered lads lie down to die with forgiveness in their hearts.  Aye, wherever the cross is, God is there, hanging upon it.

To know in the midst of tragedy or hurt, frustration of failure in the service of the good, that God is in it with us, binding our wounds, sharing our anguish, keeping hope and faith, we find confidence to ride out the storms we endure.  The very name they gave Jesus at His birth, "Immanuel, " meaning "God with us" is a testament to the endless truth that He does not leave us alone - not ever.

No matter where we are, you and I, there is "this anyplace" where God lets down His ladder for us to climb above and the tears to triumph.

My great-grandmother, this woman, was like a rock in my life so long ago... as it turns out - she still is.  I'm understanding that I can look into any point in my life and I can find God there... and THIS is Good News! 

Due to the circumstances of my life, I had existed in a state numbness and therefore behaved in a very lost way.  The more I 'dis-connected' with myself in an effort to protect myself, I effectively was also shutting off my heart understanding of love, faith, and life.  Learning to feel is painful, but it lets me know I'm alive, that there's a reason for me to continue to grow, and to run toward the Love that is drawing me near... "this anyplace" is my Home.  
 

Remove Me

Dear Jesus,
I am selfish.  I am un-trusting.  Therefore I try so hard to control my environment... and yes, even all the people in it.  I try to convince myself that there is good in my motive - but I am full of self-deceit.  Good does not come from me, it only comes from You.  I fill my time with things that interest only my flesh... I am selfish.  I am me-focused.

I want more of You, Jesus.  I need less of me... a whole lot less of me... and a LOT more of You!  Remove me from myself.

Take away my need for the world to approve of my voice.  Wipe away my struggle to understand all the reasons 'why' things happen they way they do... and worse to try and control them.  Help me to see that my input does not matter, but rather my response to Your Love.  Melt my heart so that I can feel more and more of Your Love and turn me into a reflection of that Love.

When I look in the mirror, let me see a new face.  When I open my eyes, let me look through Yours.

Remove me from myself and replace me with You.  Make me the person You designed me to be.

I pray that there is nothing left of me but what You've given me and that I follow Your lead in all that I do.  I pray that I am overcome with Your Love that I am transformed in how I relate with the world.  I pray that I not only greet people differently, but that I receive them differently... that I listen with ears of distinction, dignity, and respect rather than projecting my own human "vocabulary"  and "understanding" onto who they are and what they mean.  I pray I can listen with Love.

I am very defensive of my posture and position because I am afraid I am wrong... and if I am wrong I will be rejected.
I am wrong, Lord, but in You I have been made right, clean, and whole.  In You I am accepted.

Remove me from myself, help me to forgive myself as You have forgiven me. Help me to die my old ways to You so I can live again in You... let me be refreshed and rise again in You.

In You, Jesus, I am a new creature, by Your Blood I have been washed... In You God I know who I am - I am loved.

HE knows ME!

When I came back to this post, I was really hoping I had already started writing something here... but nope... there was just the title.  How do I begin to humanize the feeling in this?  It's a lot easier to comprehend that we can 'go' to a place to experience God or be in a set of 'desirable circumstances' where God will be and meet us.

But what about when I'm not paying attention?  Does He know me then?  How about when I trip and fall?  And even when I knowingly do something wrong?  Does He care about who I am then? Or do I get lost in the sea of people...?

Romans 9:28 (MSG) God doesn't count us; he calls us by name. Arithmetic is not his focus.

He knows my name.  

Jeremiah 1:5 (MSG) "before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;"

and further more, He cares about what happens to me... 

Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will come upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity."

It's easy to read this and go "MmHmm, I understand" but this is way deeper!  Of all the people in the whole wide world, God knows who I am, cares about what happens to me, and is calling ME home.  He does not want ME to get lost!  

(a moment to pause about that right there..)

God, the One who made the grass and the cows who graze, the One who made the sky and the birds that fly, the One who MADE the sun and who GAVE His Son... this God loves me and cares for ME.  

(even though I did all those things...? even though... even when...) 

Yes.

His Love is more powerful than ALL of that.  His Love embraces me, His Blood washes me, He makes me new.  I matter.  AND (and this is the best) God loves EVERYBODY in this way!  He loves YOU and YOU and YOU! 

Thank you Jesus! for knowing me, for loving me, and for making me new!