Home From the Wilderness

O Daddy God!  You are bigger than the span of the universe.  Everything You've created surrenders to You in worship: trees grow, water falls, wind blows, birds fly, animals graze.  Yet I struggle to exist in Your presence.  I elevate myself to judging right and wrong, good and bad, according to my experience and my intellegence, disregarding the fact that I have been shaped and molded by the world. 

I am a hypocrit as I claim to know You and want to know more of You... yet I conform You to my image rather than allow myself to be conformed to Yours.  I settle for being comfortable in my orphan spirit rather than residing in the position of Sonship by the spirit of adoption because orphan is what I know best.

Holy Spirit - teach me!  Show me the true meaning of adoption that I may walk in confidence in You as Your daughter or Your son.  Bring forth the memory in my spirit that knows You from eternity so that I may reside in Kingdom reality with my Papa!

Father, forgive me for believing that I know my needs better than You.. for placing status, reputation, feelings higher than You.  These things I put my faith in - these things I depend upon to give me value and my life meaning - they are falible and mortal and incapable of saving me.  You.  Only You are my Savior... not a person, not a job, not a house or car, not my parenthood, not my ability or performance, not my pride. 

I desperately pray, Daddy, to come home!  I don't like the wilderness as much as I thought I would.  By Your precious Son, Jesus Christ, I have been restored to the Garden - no strings attached.  Yet while I rejoice in this homecoming, I continue to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil every time I act on my own.  Reveal to me, Lord, every single way I exault myself above You!  Take me on the path that leads me straight to You!  Bring me to the end of me that I may see the brilliance of Your Face.  Whatever the assignment is that You've placed on my life for this time, I trust that You not only know what I need for it, but have provided it all.  I refuse to continue to think that I know better than You.

I want to re-learn how to work from a place of Kingdom wealth, I am tired of striving to accomodate what I think I need - my comfort is always just beyond my reach.  You made me to be a human-being.. not a human-doing.  I'm tired of trying to balance You on one shoulder and the demands of the world on the other.  It's You.  Only You.  Open the eyes of my heart, bring me into Divine focus.

I pray that, like Jesus, I only do what I see my Father doing.  I want to know Your voice as the sheep do a Shepard's.  Like You made Adam and Eve, may I be unconcious and unaware of my own self, but only of Your presence, Your grace, Your provision.  Jesus, my Lord, my Savior, my Big Brother... I want to know my position in Our Father's kingdom as You do and my purpose on this earth as You did.  I relinquish ownership/control of the outcome.  You are the source of it and You will see to it.  Make Your reality my reality... I'm tired of believing that You are far off and distant.

Teach me!  Show me!  Take me, O God!  I know that I have been fully restored, but I haven't understood what that looks like, so I've continued to wallow in my own death.  I do not want to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil anymore!  Teach me to eat only from the Bread of Life - moment to moment - consatntly turning away from my self to seek Your heart, Your voice, Your face.  

You are freedom, You are love, You are my Dad and I love You - ALL of You!  I run to You, Papa, I throw myself into Your arms, I bury my tear-stained weary face in Your bossom, I rest in Your love and Your goodness.  I surrender, Father God, take me home.